The Veiled Artist: pregnancy

Where Have I been? 4 year Hiatus. Life update

Hi my loves,

HOW HAVE YOU BEEN DOING? 4 years. It’s been almost 4 whole years since I disappeared and I would like to inform you with my whole chest that I AM BACK. But let’s rewind a bit. You deserve an explanation, so let’s talk about it. Where the hell have I been??

The last time you saw me on YouTube was in June of 2020, December 2020 on Instagram.

Some time at the end of July 2020, I got married. It was something that happened very quickly, literally met and married within a month. As you know, as part of my culture, it was an arranged marriage. I had never experienced anxiety like that in my life. I barely had time to process anything and before I knew it, I was married.

Next came the agonizing, long distance relationship, jeez. I wouldn’t wish that shit upon anyone. If any of you are dealing with it right now, just know that I am so proud of you. It's so tough, not just because you miss your partner but the time zones?? And having to stay awake or turn your entire schedule upside down just to speak to them, sigh. Hated it. Can you tell I’m not the romantic type? Haha sorry.

Then suddenly, at the end of April 2021 we decided enough was enough and I decided to move to.. guess where? UAE. Abu Dhabi to be exact. Which is where he worked at the time. Everything once again happened so fast. Also I must add this was 'peak' covid times. Everyday all you would hear when you turned on the news was death rates and lockdowns. There were talks about another shut down of the airports in Srilanka and all I knew was, I needed to leave before that or I would have a full blown mental breakdown dealing with these whatsapp calls and long distance.

My parents were TERRIFIED and said absolutely not. Overprotective and loving. But they didn’t know how I felt. I tried explaining and they still couldn’t understand. It was too late though. Because I had already made up my mind. There have only been three instances in my entire life thus far, where I was so sure of something. One was this. 2, we will talk about on another date and 3, coming back to social media and becoming this new person. 3 instances. I am usually the ‘good kid’. A ‘parent pleaser’ – which is a term I learned of just recently. Thanks Tam Kaur.

Anyways, getting back to my point, since they were absolutely not okay with sending me to UAE alone they decided to send my brother with me. And I’m grateful that they did. I was like a deer in headlights, raised to be completely dependent. I don’t even go around Colombo by myself. So I don’t know what I was thinking when I said I wanted to move to UAE alone. But long story short, I somehow managed to get there AND my brother was able to get back to Srilanka after dropping me just before another major shutdown of the airports.

Then began a life I was not prepared for. A life.. I will talk about in the future someday. Not today. UAE, is beautiful. I am so in love and I will definitely be back there soon. That being said, I lived there for a full year and half and hands down, it was some of the most challenging times of my life. Interesting, yet tough. Away from my family, in a new country and a lot of other things that I will, as I mentioned above talk about in the future someday.

Then suddenly, 8 months in, a very planned surprise. Haha you knew it was coming. I knew. Everyone knew. I was pregnant!! And in September 2022, I was blessed with the love of my life, Eesa. A little human being that I live and breathe for. The little human who is asleep next to me as I quietly type this post in a dark room only lit by a nightlight because he hates sleeping in the dark. The little human that I am extremely protective of (suddenly my parents behavior makes sense to me). I won’t be sharing any of his pictures online because its not something I am comfortable with. But he will inevitably make an appearance or two in my content because he is such a big part of my life. The biggest part of my life really.

I would’ve loved to have my son in Srilanka, surrounded by all the unconditional love and support but unfortunately, around the time he was due, there was a medicine crisis in Srilanka. Our government was informing women ‘over the news’ to ‘have their babies at home’ because there was a shortage of medicine in hospitals at the time. So what did I do? I dealt with my entire pregnancy alone. All the hormonal changes, the pain, the aches, everything. Alone. My parents were with me for 2 weeks before and after I gave birth but they had to come back to Srilanka. Once again, I was alone. We hired a maid, she got covid. I was alone. Again. For an entire month and half I only slept half an hour per night. I was so exhausted to the point that I started hallucinating and seeing shadows from the corner of my eyes.

I never knew I had strength like that until I had no option but to stay strong, for my little boy. Subhanallah. And finally, light at the end of the tunnel! I could bring him back to Srilanka. The crisis had been resolved to a certain extent and his documents were ready and you guys, when I tell you what it felt like getting back home..

You know those scenes in movies where someone is released from prison and sees sunlight for the first time in years after being in solitary confinement, yeah. That’s what it felt like. I have so much love in my life. I had forgotten about that while I was in UAE. I had friends offering to come and look after my son while I napped, I had my parents who I live with now, helping me. I was safe. My son and I were safe again.

Then started my healing journey. I like to call 2023 the ‘year of healing’ because that’s what it was to me. That’s all I did. Cut off any and all of the toxic people from my life. I gave myself love and grace and I healed. From the pregnancy and from some not very nice things I had to go through during my time away(look at me downplaying my trauma lol). I rekindled my love for art, briefly took zumba classes to reconnect with my body and eventually, my love for makeup. It all came back to me and I was reminded of who I was.

Only this time, I like to think of myself as a new and improved version of Zaha. Zaha 2.0 we can call it. I am no longer the people pleaser I used to be. I have never stood more fearlessly in my truth and my heart has never been more full. Alhamdulillah!

I have been trying to come back to social media and all of you since January of this year but as expected, since I’m a mommy now, time is limited. I have also been working as an almost full time artist, creating commissioned art over at ‘Paintings Srilanka’. Which is my other little baby.

But I am finally here my loves. Over the past 4 years, I’ve had to grow up a LOT and do it VERY QUICKLY. If you knew of the things I’ve been through over, not just the past few years but over the past 27 years of life, one would wonder how I still manage to smile this much. But I just happen to be someone who believes that every bad experience is a learning opportunity. I keep finding lessons in my worst moments.

The lessons I learned from difficult years in my past helped me get through these 4 years and I know for a fact that the lessons I learned this time around will carry me through several more decades. I am so excited to share this side of myself with you. The warrior, the artist, the mom.

Therefore, I am happy to announce that I am no longer going to be just a pair of eyeballs on the internet and you’re going to see ‘me’ and more of my heart and thoughts on camera from now on. I hope you guys will join me on this journey, I have so much to share with you.

I love you,

Zaha Ali

(aka The Veiled Artist)